The Worst DLC Out There

DLC is a toss up – there’s some really good stuff out there that can really extend the life of your game and then there’s useless items like skin packs that do nothing, yet still cost you three bucks (don’t worry, I’ve bought them too).

Then there’s worst of the worst. Shit that you can’t believe these companies had the audacity to put out there, just to squeeze every last dollar, penny and drop of blood from your twisted corpse.

If there’s anything I missed, feel free to add it in the comments below, but here are the worst examples of DLC that I’ve run into:

Tales of Vesperia

Vesperia is one of the best examples of paying Namco to play your game for you. You can grab extra costume packs for individual characters, saving you the back-breaking effort of unlocking them for free in the game. Worse, for 300 points (just over $4) you can net yourself 300,000 Gald (the games currency). Since you can only download any given DLC once, Namco has this puppy listed three times, in case you burn through all that virtual cash too fast.

Boss or dungeon too tough for you? The age-old tradition of fighting monsters and getting experience point just too much of a bother? 300 points and you can instantly gain 10 levels. Because really, you only bought the game to enjoy the story, and youtube just doesn’t deliver the video-quality that you’re looking for.

Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball 2

Just like Vesperia, Street Fighter and a plethora of other games, Tecmo allowed you to purchase bikinis for your sexy polygons, just in case you don’t want to go through the trouble of unlocking those ”only cover what they need to” string bikini’s yourself.

Look, there’s not much of a game here to begin with. The jet-skiing is weak, volleyball can be played with one hand and pool hopping is really just an excuse to show of their new game engine. Look, boobs can bounce independent of each other and in different directions!

So, maybe it’s okay not to force people in this charade of actually playing the game to unlock new outfits – just go into your wardrobe, you don’t even have to exit the game, and you can pay for new outfits and jump straight into that creepy voyeur mode and take pictures in their new barely-there straps.

Either that or you spend all your time playing the slots to unlock that uncomfortable pole dancing scene.

I’d just pay for a stripper.

Beautiful Katamari

Now this caused quite a stir in the community. For 80 points each (although they were 200 at release), you can download additional levels. This wouldn’t be so bad (in fact, that’s the model of what good DLC should be) except for the fact your downloads are basically just unlock codes for what’s already on the disk.

Unfortunately, all those achievement whores out there were forced to purchase these levels right off the bat, because it’s impossible to get all 1000 achievement points without them.

Did you get that? Unlike Mass Effect or Fallout 3 DLC levels, which come with new achievements of their own, Namco is basically selling you the rest of the game for a premium.

Soul Calibur 4

Remember back when Soul Calibur 2 launched across three different platforms, each version coming with a special-console exclusive character? The Gamecube featured Link (from the Legend of Zelda series), the PS2 featured Heihachi (or that old guy from Tekken) and the Xbox featured Spawn (as the console really didn’t have any mascots at this early stage and Todd McFarlane designed another character for the game). It was a fun, interesting idea that helped promote the game, and let respective console fanboys feel really good about their purchase.

Fast-forward to the current console race, where Namco decides to take an old, but fun and interesting, idea and twist it into a horrible money making scam.

SC4 included the console-exclusive characters of Yoda for the 360 and Darth Vader for the PS3. Except it wasn’t much of an exclusive.

Despite the companies protests that the characters would remain console-exclusives, few were surprised when they popped up as paid DLC for the opposing console. There was already a spot reserved for the character on the select screen, and shortly after launch a few eager fans discovered Vader files on the 360 disk. The download was (again) just an unlock key to make the character playable.

Not only did the company lie to their fans, they planned this whole façade and then had the audacity to charge 400 points (just under $6) for it.

At the very least, they could have done a better job covering themselves up, or just right-out admitted they were going to rip their fans off.

Resident Evil 5

Now this one is just agitating. Not because the DLC wasn’t good – it was great in fact. Day 1 when they game launched, versus mode was available for $10 over XBL or PSN. There was a lot of gameplay in there, and the game was designed to be online in the first place so it was a great complement to the co-op element already present.

Why this DLC feels like a punch in the gut, however, is because this is the kind of shit that should have been in the game already.

But apparently the team didn’t have time to complete it before the game shipped, according to the official word, but it would be ready by the street dated release. That’s fine.

But not only was it not released as a patch, not only did they make us pay extra for it, but gamers who sat down for a long wait as AN ENTIRE GAME MODE was added to their harddrive, found that it took only took seconds to complete. Upon closer inspection, the download was only a few kilobytes.

That’s right, the supposedly unfinished versus mode was already on the disk.

It’s a sad state of affairs that this is becoming the popular business model when it comes to DLC, and even when companies are caught, they still bend us over and shove it up our collective asses.

To contact the author of this post: aaron.chatha@wildgunmen.com

Comments (71)

  1. xyloph says:

    Really, a lot of this seems to be more of a complaint about the concept of DLC itself more than these specific incarnations. What’s the difference between extra content they put on the disk and sell you an unlock for and extra content that they didn’t put on the disk and sell you a download of? It’s the difference between releasing an unfinished game and charging again for the missing elements and releasing a finished game but disguising the cost.

  2. Janx says:

    I think it’s about giving us the consumers a little bit of of a courtesy rape.

    Yes, they’re going to pull our pants down and fuck us over for our money one way or another…

    … but they could at least have the decency of doing it to us behind closed doors as opposed to openly in public.

  3. daveplaid says:

    After all, a reach around is only polite.

  4. Haile says:

    Looks like we killed their servers.

  5. Jazz says:

    Fuck son, DLC today is a huge money scheme… bitches be chargin’ fo eeeerething!!!!

  6. J-rock says:

    @haile yes yes you guys did, but it’s ok.

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    Mariners outfielder Michael Saunders and relief pitcher Steve Delabar both went through daily routines back home that would be considered somewhat radical departures from the norm. Saunders constrained his body with rubber workout bands while in the batting cage to tighten up his swing, while Delabar continued with a newfangled shoulder-strengthening routine that helped revive his all-but-dead career a year ago.

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    “The bottom line is to have the player improve, period,” Mariners hitting coach Chris Chambliss said Wednesday after watching Saunders take batting practice. “You want him to be better. You want him to be the best he can be. We want those answers to come from wherever. But whatever those answers are, we want to know so we can reinforce those good things.”women griffey shoes

    Saunders moved to a new home in Denver this offseason and began training 15 minutes away with hitting instructor Mike Bard, a former minor-leaguer and the brother of onetime Mariners catcher Josh Bard. They studied video of top sluggers like Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday and decided Saunders needed to have a tighter, more compact swing like they do.

    To achieve this, Saunders had a rubber exercise band wrapped around his knees and a second one running from under his left armpit to around the outside of his right shoulder. He’d wear them into batting cages and would swing at pitches while constrained.nike air griffey max fury 2012

    “The idea was to create some tension on myself,” Saunders said. “What I’m trying to do is stay compact and keep a short swing.”griffeys fury 2012

    He also began using a 60-ounce bat during the early rounds of batting practice. It’s twice as heavy as the one he’d employ in games, but the added weight forces him to use his lower body to drive the ball instead of just his arms, hands and wrists.

    Saunders said he’d felt “completely lost” last season when sent by the Mariners to Class AAA in June with a sub-.200 batting average.griffeys for kids

    “No one wants to perform like I did,” he said, adding that he tried four or five different batting stances his first week after the demotion. “And I was struggling with some things off the field. I just felt like a little kid. I didn’t know what to do.”

    Josh Bard was in AAA at the time as well and suggested contacting his brother over the winter. Saunders said he let Chambliss know the pair would be working on things and filled him in on his progress before camp began.Nike Air Griffey Max 1

    Saunders feels the program helped make basic changes to his plate approach that Chambliss had looked for last season and says he’s excited to try them this spring. Chambliss insists he’s merely in “watch mode” with Saunders for now and will see whether his training improves things.Cheap Air Griffey Max 1

    Delabar went from being a substitute high-school teacher with a blown-out arm to a major-leaguer within months last year after using a new program — dubbed “Velocity” — at a facility in his Kentucky hometown owned by friend Joe Newton. Delabar was coaching high-school baseball at the time and wanted to try the program — meant to build strength in pitchers’ shoulders — before letting his players use it.

    One byproduct of the strengthening program is that it increases throwing velocity. Delabar’s velocity quickly crept up beyond 90 mph on flat ground, which led to a minor-league deal with the Mariners and a major-league debut in September.Nike Air Griffey Max 2

    So, when the season ended, Delabar had no doubts about continuing the program. It involves numerous throwing sessions at varying distances with both heavier and lighter balls to overload and underload the shoulder with resistance.

    “They call it ‘Velocity’ because if they called it a shoulder strengthening regimen it wouldn’t be as catchy or attract as many people,” Delabar said. “But it’s really just something you’d want to do anyway in the offseason if you’re a pitcher. Make your arm as strong as it can be and then allow that to last you for the season.”

    Mariners pitching coach Carl Willis said the regimen is somewhat different from what the team’s custom-designed workouts would entail.griffeys for cheap

    “But when you see what he did last year, he’d be crazy not to do it again,” Willis said.

    Willis agreed that the most important thing was that Delabar let him know what his routine involved and kept him updated. That way, he said, there are no surprises.

    Chambliss can’t understand why many organizations frown at players using instructors and trainers not employed by the team. Many times, he said, a parent will have coached the player since childhood.ken griffey jr shoes

    “I was with the Reds when Ken Griffey Jr. was there,” Chambliss said. “And Ken Griffey Sr. would come in and work with him on things even though he wasn’t officially with the organization. What are you going to do? Tell them, ‘No, you can’t?’ ”

    Chambliss said it’s better to try to understand what is working for the player and incorporate it into what the team wants to achieve. The only time he’d step in, he added, is if the outside work clearly isn’t helping.king griffey shoes

    “I’m not here to be the guru with all the answers,” Chambliss said. “I’m here to see what works best for these guys and help them figure out how to be the best they can be.”

    Lake Washington’s Theo Alexander poised to take next step in baseball

    For Theo Alexander, everything came together during one at-bat last summer.

    The Lake Washington High School center fielder stepped into the batter’s box at the prestigious Area Code Games in Long Beach, Calif., to face a power pitcher from California. Alexander doesn’t remember his name, but he remembers the first pitch. It was clocked at 97 mph.

    It was the first time Alexander had faced a pitch that fast. He didn’t swing. The pitcher mixed in a couple of curveballs, but Alexander wanted to hit the heat.griffeys

    When he got another fastball, he smacked a line drive that landed just in front of the right fielder. That solid single gave him a sense of relief, and confidence.

    He said he knew then that he could “hit anything” and channeled that into every batting-practice session leading up to his senior season.griffeys 2012

    “I realized I had to really work to achieve what I was trying to achieve,” said Alexander, wearing a white and purple Lake Washington hat with a pair of sunglasses perched upside down on the bill.

    Alexander has blossomed into one of the state’s top prospects, playing with focus and confidence that has produced numbers, and moments, that continue to surprise Kangaroos coach Derek Bingham.king griffeys

    “He’ll do something in practice or in a game that makes your jaw drop,” Bingham said. “We had a round of batting practice here a week ago. I was just sitting up here, making the lineup, watching him hit and, out of 25 balls, he probably hit 18 of them out. It was amazing. It was something I’ve never seen before.”

    Through 15 games this season, the 6-foot-2, 205-pound standout was hitting .525 with an OPS (on-base-plus-slugging percentage) of 1.738, 11 extra-base hits (four home runs), 22 runs batted in and 22 runs. Mariners scouting director Tom McNamara made a trip to his school last week. Scouts have been frequent visitors to Lake Washington games, and Alexander keeps giving them reasons to come back.

    “If he doesn’t go in the top five rounds (of the June MLB draft), I would kind of be surprised,” Bingham said. “Nothing would shock me with him. He’s as good a physical talent as I’ve been around in 10 years coaching high-school baseball.”ken griffey shoes

    Ask Alexander about his goals, though, and he starts with his teammates. He wants to help the Kangaroos win a KingCo Conference 3A title and a state championship.

    Getting him to talk about his desire to be drafted and start playing minor-league ball right away, that takes some time.ken griffey shoes 2012

    “I want to play with the best of the best as soon as possible,” he admitted after a little prodding.

    An only child raised by a single mother, Alexander has never met his father.

    “Never wanted to,” he said. “I’ve just been trying to live my dream playing baseball.”griffeys sneakekrs

    Alexander’s mother, Erin, said her son found father figures through coaches and other family members who served as mentors.

    “He’s been blessed with strong men in his life,” Erin said.ken griffeys sneakers

    But Alexander credits his mother for getting him to this point.

    “She is the most important thing in my life,” he said. “Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”Nike Air Yeezy 2

    The left-handed hitter started playing when he was 5 and idolized Mariners legend Ken Griffey Jr. He continues to wear No. 24. Alexander had a Griffey-esque moment recently, crushing a grand slam in the Kangaroos’ come-from-behind victory over Juanita.

    “Big stages haven’t bothered him,” Bingham said. “He’s hit well when we’ve been ahead. He’s hit well when we’ve been behind. He’s just been tremendous for us.”Air Yeezy 2

    Scouts tell the family they project him to be drafted in the first 10 rounds.Air Yeezy

    “He can get there,” Bingham said. “If he doesn’t make it, who is going to? I hate to put that kind of pressure on him, but I’ve been in this league eight years and I don’t know if I remember seeing too many guys who are as talented as he is.

    THE NIKE AIR YEEZY II

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    The world’s most expensive relationship? Kim and Kanye splash out £2.5m on each other in FOUR months of dating

    AH, the first throes of a new romance… all luvvy duvvy and whispering sweet nothings.

    Unless you’re Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.

    Then it’s whispering a sweet £2.5million – the amount the couple have dropped on their fledgling relationship in just FOUR months.Air Yeezy glow in the dark

    The ego-stroking spendaholics have become so obsessed with flashing their cash at each other that they’ve forked out £1.25million each on cars, holidays and other pressies.

    Only dating officially since April, their romantic gifts to each other have included:

    A £478,000 black Lamborghini which Kim bought Kanye for his 35th birthday in June;Nike Air Yeezy For Women

    A £21,000 white sapphire-encrusted gold skull statue which Kanye gave Kim in July (um, thanks?);

    Plus they’ve spent £446,000 on just getting to their many holidays in London, Paris, Cannes and Mexico by private jet or first class.

    My source said: “As much as they adore each other, they’re both very strong-willed and there is a bit of a power struggle in the relationship.

    “Both Kim and Kanye want to show they have their own money and fame outside of them getting together.Cheap Air Yeezy

    “But they’re so besotted with each other that although they’re spending so much, they barely bat an eyelid when they see the price tag or bill.

    “After all, they’re both multi-millionaires at the start of a big love affair.”

    And there’s no signs of it slowing down either.

    As Kim, 31, says: “When I’m in love, you can’t tell me anything. I’m in love with love!”

    Hmm. Her bank manager might have something to say about that.air yeezy shoes glow in the dark

    My insider continues: “It’s coming up to their six-month anniversary and they’ve got a lavish weekend planned.

    “Both Kim and Kanye have told friends that they want to get each other the most extravagant gifts.”Nike Air Yeezy Shoes

    Mind you if it all leads to a Kimye wedding they’ve still got some way to go to top the £6.3million Kim and Kris Humphries spent on their bash ahead of their 72-day marriage back in August last year.

    Guys, just make sure my name’s on the guest list!

    Kanye West Says “Perfect Bitch” Track is About Kim Kardashian

    Kanye West took to his Twitter today (August 7) to announce what already has been rumored—his new song “Perfect Bitch” is indeed about girlfriend Kim Kardashian.

    “I wrote the song Perfect Bitch about Kim,” Yeezy tweeted.cheap air yeezy shoes

    Although West hasn’t held any official listening sessions for his crew’s upcoming compilation Cruel Summer, the G.O.O.D. Music honcho did treat some New Yorkers to some new joints over the weekend.

    According to the NY Daily News, Yeezy took to NYC club PH-D Rooftop Lounge and, before long, took his talents to the DJ booth. A source told the tabloid that he played some joints that had “a similar production style [to the one] he used on his wildly successful album with Jay-Z last summer, Watch the Throne.” Could they be off Cruel Summer?

    “[He raps] verses about his search for the perfect woman and how he has now found the ‘perfect bitch,’” the report continues, adding that both current flame Kim Kardashian and former girlfriend Amber Rose are referenced. “The crowd was on their feet.”air yeezy shoes for sale

    Singer Maxwell and actor Leonardo DiCaprio shared a table with ‘Ye when he finished his set.

    Well, turns out that the track was definitely written with Kim K in mind, as Yeezy confirmed with his tweet.Air Yeezy kanye west shoes

    Last week, Yeezy tweeted the words “Mercy,” alongside a picture of Kim K’s backside covered in a white gown and standing next to his Lamborghini Aventador that she bought him.http://www.griffeysonlinesale.com

    Although it was initially slated for an August 7 release, G.O.O.D. Music’s Cruel Summer is now set to hit stores early next month, on September 4. Last week, Kanye revealed the cover for the highly anticipated album. Currently, the project’s lead single, “Mercy,” featuring West, Big Sean, Pusha T, and 2 Chainz, is sitting at No. 1 on the Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart.

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