January 15, 2011
Marwencol Showtimes At The Uptown
Calgarian Geeks, Vote Or STFU.
You’re a geek, yes? You’re also a Calgarian, yes? Actually, maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re from somewhere else, and you just live here because you figured the economy was better here and you wanted to make some money. Maybe you’re from Newfoundland, or Nova Scotia, or Saskatchewan. At the end of the day, though, you live in this city, and the things that happen here affect you.
Most likely, though, you’re a Calgarian. You grew up with a middle-class family, you probably didn’t have too many problems with things like money, or buying a sweet PlayStation 3 so you could play homoerotic first-person shooters online, since you got that bitchin’ job working at McDonald’s.
So, now that you’re eighteen, you’ve got all the rights that are associated with the age of majority. You can get piss-drunk and vomit on your friends’ shoes, you can purchase cigarettes and die of lung cancer, and you can piss all your money away gambling and get into the drugs to drown your sorrows as a result.
The one thing that you ignorant Albertan bastards keep forgetting about is that you can vote, too. And yes, maybe you’ve fucking noticed all the lawn signs and billboards strewn about the city like hookers on the strip in Vegas, and maybe you strained yourself to put two and two together, and you’ve now realized that there’s a fucking municipal election tomorrow. Oops! You forgot to give a shit, and now you don’t know who to vote for. More likely, you’re too busy getting drunk and “living [your] life” as the uneducated eighteen year olds on Facebook like to list in their interests.
So, what do you do? Most of you are thinking “Oh, I just won’t vote” or “Oh, I’ll just vote for Barb Higgins since I know who she is” or some other equally uneducated bullshit.
Stop. Just fucking stop, and hang on for a second. Think about what you just said, and then take the few seconds it takes to actually think about how that decision, if it came to fruition, would actually affect you. Have you ever bitched or complained about how awful Calgary’s transit system is? Are you a student, and have you tried parking at a train station to use your U-Pass to take the train to school lately? If so, did you notice that it costs you three fucking dollars every time you do? Have you noticed lately how fucking abysmal Calgary’s planning is when it comes to road construction, and how that affects your travel times anywhere in the city?
Now, all of the decisions that have resulted in these things that you love to whine and complain about came from our city council, and, at some point, our Mayor. If you don’t vote, or if you vote for someone just because you’re too stupid and lazy to read up on their policies, you’re a fucking idiot. You’re promoting the fat, lazy attitude our city council has taken for years, and you’re inviting these fucking decisions to be made for you.
So, don’t fucking do it. You’ve now got less than twenty-four hours to figure out who you want to vote for, and go out and do it. I’m going to help you along with a very typical K-Star-Pro overview of the candidates, roughly what they embody, and a link to their campaign platform for you to skim through. I don’t really fucking care who you vote for, I just care that you get off your fucking ass and go do it, and that you make a fucking informed decision, not just pick one at random.
Let’s do this thing. I’m only going to list the three most popular candidates, because voting for anyone else at this point in the election is a waste of your fucking time, and it doesn’t help anyone.
1. Ric McIver
Ohh, Ric. Ric is a white, middle-class male who’s been an Alderman in this city for years and years now. Ric’s most distinct trait as an Alderman has been his tendency towards voting against absolutely anything that involves spending money. Actually, it’s worth mentioning that the $3.00 park and ride fee, which he now states in his platform that needs to be removed, was actually a motion that he himself put forward to the council.
If you’re white, reasonably well-off, and don’t really care about anyone else, Ric McIver is a wonderful candidate to vote for.
Ric’s Platform: http://www.ricmciver.ca/issues/
2. Barb Higgins
If you’ve bothered to watch the news on CFCN/CTV at all in the past two decades, you know who Barb Higgins is. A stalwart news reporter for years, Barb was a bit late to announce her candidacy for the Mayor’s seat, only getting into the race after some prodding from “people from the community” who she won’t actually tell us the identities of. She’s basically gone around since then shouting “It’s about people first” when asked pretty much any question, danced around actual policy questions, and actually blown up on City TV’s Breakfast Television, proceeding to yell at some youth volunteers with an arts group off-camera. (You might have heard about this, the line being “Who crapped in everyone’s cornflakes this morning?”)
She’s managed to garner a large following based on name alone, since she doesn’t have any actual policy ideas, instead relying on buzzwords to convince people that she knows what she’s talking about. Barb is also the one who didn’t look at her campaign donors list because she “treats every donation equally” and doesn’t care who the money comes from. Lots of us suspect this means that she’s a puppet for some corporate organization, but this is purely speculation.
Barb’s “Platform”: http://barbhiggins.ca/issues.html
3. Naheed Nenshi
Naheed Nenshi is currently a professor of non-profit management at Mount Royal University’s school of business. Prior to that, he’s advised large businesses in several fields on corporate strategy, and provided the Alberta government with policy regarding non-profit organizations. He is Harvard educated in the field of Public Policy, and has spent the past ten years developing his ideas to improve the standing of Calgary as a city. It pretty much seems like there’s nobody in this city who can’t find something in Nenshi’s policy that they like.
Contrary to popular (ignorant) belief, he is not “foreign,” and has lived in Calgary for longer than most of you probably have. Despite everyone’s constant claims, he probably has more relevant experience and education to the field of politics than all of the other popular candidates combined. The common complaint about Naheed is that he’s never been a politician, or worked closely with policy, and therefore has no experience in leadership. A quick glance at his resume shows that this is decidedly not true.
Unlike all of the other popular candidates, he actually has a large quantity of policy outlined, and then fleshed out in detail, available to read on his website. Most of Naheed’s campaign has been conducted online, utilizing resources and technology to their fullest potential to help spread his message and ideas to anyone who wants to learn more about it. I strongly suggest that you at least leaf through his policy, as it is quite detailed.
Naheed’s platform: http://www.nenshi.ca/new/policy
To contact the author of this post: keegan.vanderlaag@wildgunmen.com
LOVE IT!
That sums it up quite nicely.
Nice bias… I feel so much more informed about each candidate…
Also thanks for leaving out all the aldermen… Because, you know, the mayor is the ONLY person who matters when it comes to making decisions for our city…
You ranting about how people should vote, when you don’t even include more than 3 people who matter in this election, just shows how pretentious this article is.
Did you vote?
Then I really don’t care what the fuck else you have to say about it. My work here is done.
The purpose here was not to influence any particular votes. Do I have a bias? Abso-fucking-lutely. Does that mean I’m going to ragequit if you voted for someone other then Nenshi? No.
The point here is that it’s important to vote. If you want a fucking comprehensive voting guide, you’re reading the wrong magazine, asshat.
I love that your articles and comments throughout the wildgunmen website are so fucking biased. You said you were going to summarize the candidates platforms, all I see here is butthurt pissing and moaning and cockstroking. How is this promoting informed decisions like you initially advertise as your intent? This article obviously is underlined with bias that persuades your reads to vote for a certain candidate, you are no better yourself. If someones not actually going to make an informed decision there’s no fucking point taking a shot in the dark. Try making a difference in your readers lives by actually giving us some perspective into the election. Or just an hero.
For reference, it is 9:54 PM on October 18.
Nenshi – 35% (8131)
McIver – 33% (7750)
Higgins – 27% (6418)
These results are preliminary, and only 67/241 polling stations are reporting so far.
I come here to read about geek culture… And not some editorial blogging bullshit about things that piss you off…
I think it’s stupid to post an “article” like this unless you’re actually going to put time and effort into helping people “make an informed decision”.
Otherwise all you’re doing is telling people what to do like any idiot on the internet who thinks that what they think actually matters.
You say you come here to read geek culture; realistically, what you come here to read is some whiny geeks blogging trivial shit about things that either interest them or bother them.
Essentially, that is what I’ve done. You want politics for realz, read a reliable political source. You want something other than what I’ve written, don’t take the time to read a thousand word article on something you’re not interested in and GTFO.
I come here to read about video games, comic books and wtv else is interesting in this genre. If the definition of your “publication” is “whiny geeks blogging trivial shit and things that interest them” then you aren’t a publication, you’re just like all the other annoying blogs that think they are.
Politics is the last thing I would expect on a site that is meant for entertainment news. And if you’re going to go off topic and write about something like this at least do it well, that’s all I’m saying.
And lol @ you telling me to get out of your article and not read it. What’s the point of writing it if you don’t want people to read it? Idiot.
Don’t be a writer if you don’t want criticism.
happyshark, you come here for the right reasons.
This article was originally removed because it didn’t follow the geek theme of Wild Gunmen. It was then re-done to try and have some relevance.
I’m still on the fence about it, but I do stand behind K-Star’s writing.
The one thing I will apologies for is that we forgot to include the warning at the front of the article. The warning states that he writes like a complete asshole and hates on everyone… including us. Which does truly go to show that he hates on everyone equally. It also states that his views do not necessarily freflect the views of Wild Gunmen.
I hope you’ll stick around and forgive us for not including the warning like we usually do.
I came to the internetz for teh serious discushions …. nanananana.
tl;dr
get the sand out of your vag there dude holy fuck…
another biased misinformed kid who thinks nenshi is god’s gift to calgary because he’s not the “cliche” candidate. “OOH LOOK!! A UNIVERSITY GAY MUSLIM PROFESSOR WHO’S VIEWS REFLECT YOUNG PEOPLE!!! LET’S VOTE FOR HIM!!”
People like you are the same people that voted for obama just because it seemed like “the thing to do”. Nenshi lied about mutiple things and all he did was bash the other candidates.
im not saying he will fail but the fact that you are holding him in such high regard is quite laughable.
What a joke of a site where something like this can be published… This isn’t your blog, keep your rants to facebook and those around you that care.
Also how about trying to actually INFORM us with facts and not retarded opinions while you attack your audience who is taking the time to read your piece of shit “article”
im sorry, but when did nenshi lie?
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